By Jody Eagen

In the most recent retreat I led, we have a ground rule about ‘no communication’. I wrote about this ground rule in my previous article and how it adds to the framework for the retreat and allows people to learn more about themselves in the process. There are also many added bonuses from such a ground rule and retreats in general.

At one point in the 3-day retreat, we changed the rule so that non-verbal communication was allowed. One participant, a very successful entrepreneur, still maintained no communication. This participant felt it was easier not to communicate at all then to try and interpret other people’s reactions.

What they discovered was how dependent they were on other people’s approval. Without the verbal communication to quickly check things out, they were left with a constant feeling of doing the wrong thing and that the other participants were disapproving of them. Their misguided approval hunger was exaggerated by the ground rule and easier to see. With a new awareness, the participant decided they would start a process of increasing their own self-approval immediately and start to unlearn the need for approval from others. What a bonus for that person!

Another participant noted that it was easier to wander off into the trails then stay where the other participants were. They had been raised in the country but were now living in the city. They realized at the retreat that they took the outdoors for granted and had not spent time outdoors for a number of years. Now, using it as a way to escape, they were amazed at what they saw: small shrubs, webs, vines and small markings denoting young trees.

What became very apparent to them was that old notion of ‘slowing down to smell the roses’. Thanks to the retreat setting, their normal rush-rush-rush was replaced with a peaceful walk. In that walk, they discovered how much of day to day life they were not seeing back in the city. Possibly a smile from a co-worker or an expression of loss on their child’s face when they came home late or the chance to celebrate a friend’s small success on the phone.

The demands on our time are ever increasing. Many of us are rushing to the finish line not aware that the crowd is cheering. Our success and fulfilment is misplaced on getting over that line and in the process we miss all the wonderment of life and the joy the crowd’s cheering could bring us. If only we would stop and listen.

Steven Covey said it best. "What matters is where you are going, not how fast you get there."

A retreat is a great way to uncover ineffective behaviours that we have and whether or not we are ‘smelling the roses’. These personal insights are only a couple of the added bonuses of a retreat setting.